Begun the Noise Wars Have

We may have won the battle, but I believe the war has just begun...

Our day of reckoning was last Thur, Mar 19, when we had our say in community court. le Marc came with me, and with the both of us dressed to the nines, I figured we'd at least look good, because we had no idea what was about to happen.

Things did not start off well. I forgot to print out my incident tracking sheet so I had to write those down by hand. Then Walgreens could not process the photos I had of our carpeting and the drum platform, so I had to bring in a CD and my GPhone with the pictures on them. I tried to go to the WaMu in order to cut a money order for the administrative fee, but couldn't find one. It was not going to plan.

Things only worse when we finally arrived (at least we found the place on time). First of all, it's in the Sunset, and as le Marc said, if you live out there, you should probably just kill yourself. As we awkwardly approached the room where the community court was being held, they said we were early and told us to sit out in the hallway, on chairs made for the tiny children. Then as le Marc and I are formulating whatever last-minute strategy we could think of, in walk our neighbors. I'm surprised the two of them could fit through the doorway given the high horses they rode in on. We had not imagined that they would be there, believing only that we were contesting the police report. However, this is where our luck began to turn.

As soon as I entered the room and saw the panel who would be deciding on our case, I knew it was right in my wheelhouse. In the room was one city clerk who was there to take care of administrivia, one police captain from the Ingleside station (the station where the officers came from the cite us) who was only there to read the police report, and the panel consisting of one old and clearly disinterested older man, two retired teacher types, and one lady who must have been at least 75, given the walker she was sitting next to. Why was I excited at the prospect? Well, there aren't many social situations I'm good in. Generally I trend towards awkward. However, one group of people I'm very good with is middle aged to retired people, because the way I was raised to be polite and respectful to these folks, almost obsequious, while being articulate but not talking out of turn or too much. I'm dressed up nice and always smiling and making eye-contact. Basically as I've been told, I remind people this age of how they wish their children and grandchildren should act. Normally, I would find pandering beneath me, but in this case, my ass was on the line, so I was going to use whatever was at my disposal.

The proceedings got even better because apparently, my neighbors had assumed it was just a session where they could go and bitch about us being lousy neighbors, and not actually a community mediation case where you're presenting your side of the story. They were given the first opportunity to speak, and in a rambling, pitiful spiel, basically laid out that she couldn't live the way she wanted to, in absolute silence. At this point is when things got good. I'll present the highlights:

- The head mediator first pointed out that what my neighbor wanted wasn't possible. Being that we live in a metropolis the size of San Francisco, and that our apartments face Mission St, there was no such thing as perfect silence, so expecting your neighbors to make no noise whatsoever, especially compared to the urban background, was impossible.

- Our neighbor claimed we had never had any carpeting in our apartment, and all we did was walk around on our bare floors. To this, I was able to present the photos I had taken of the carpeting in our apartment, and attest to the fact it's been there since Aug 2007, and that the neighbors had never taken the time to actually visit and see our carpeting.

- Our neighbor claimed she had gone out of her way to 'welcome' us into the building seeing as how we were the new tenets. To this, I was able to recite from record the actual first meeting between us, when she came to complain about the bike dropping incident the second night we lived there. Also, I pointed out that it was I who actually made an attempt to reach out by going down there afterwards, giving them my business card, letting them know I was willing to work to be a good neighbor.

- After reciting all the various incidents, including dates, times, and outcomes, the mediator asked, "From my notes, I've heard at least 5 separate incidents where these gentlemen tried to compromise regarding the situation, what have you [the neighbor] done to compromise?" To which the neighbor gave the response, "Well, I go out more at night so I don't hear it." At this point, the older gentleman on the council, who hadn't said a word and was probably asleep the entire time, chimed in with "That's not a compromise. That's you going out more."

- Finally, the mediator asked our neighbors point blank, "What do you want them to do to help rectify this situation?", to which she replied, "I just want to live a in my peaceful environment, enjoy by home and my space peacefully." The mediator immediately pointed out "That's not something they [pointing at le Marc and I] can do. That's about you figuring out how to live, that's not an action they can take."

- Our neighbors, in some last desperate attempts to not lose this case, accused le Marc of yelling obscenities at them, and also tried to get in several more arguments while the mediator was speaking, to which she quickly told the neighbor to shut it, and stop interrupting. Now, in a room full of middle aged women, how I came off looking better than my neighbor, also a middle aged woman...in. my. fucking. wheelhouse.

The end result? There are some things that our side has to do, not us specifically. Our landlord has to get the apartment up to HOA codes by covering more of the bare floors. However, beyond that, the mediators told my neighbors they have no complaint, because the bare floor problem was there before we moved in, and was out of our control. They told her the she needed to work with us, either in arbitration or other means, to learn to co-exist. All charges were dropped, I didn't even have to pay the administrative fee. All it cost le Marc and I was a half day off work. Afterward, when the neighbor had already left, and we were thanking the panel for their time, they expressly told us: "[Your neighbor] needs to get over herself." I don't really know how much more WIN! this could get.

On the way home, le Marc said it best: "It smells like America, God Dammit! It smells like...Victory!"

Regardless, China House is moving this year. Whether it's in Aug, or sooner if we decide to break our lease, despite winning, it wasn't worth all the struggle and effort. But damn did it feel good to win.

Burger Bomb

I don't know if this is too late as a response for Jamo , but it took me this long to find something to say. Also, I was kind of over it, then I got under it again.

In-n-Out is not in the fast food category. It's definitely not the same as like, Burger King and Jack in the Box.

• They're not churned out factory style


• They cut their own fries


• Their employees are generally happy (also white, asian [in Daly City])


• That shit takes hella long. Have you been in that drive-thru? It takes like, 20 minutes! I've run out of gas in that line.

Barney's is not gourmet. Plus, as a sit down restaurant, they charge extra for fries. That's crap. However, they do have delicious fries. I would say better curly fries at Barney's than actual hamburgers.

But the, like, main impetus for responding today and not other days, is that at Orson they serve a burger with the following:

• Cobb salad relish (which is bacon and blue cheese, I think)


• Homemade steak sauce


• Foie gras mayonaisse

And it comes with (DUCK FAT) french fries! All for $15!

Granted, this is way outside the scope of our initial discourse, but that shit is fucking gourmet.

I may rescind my Orson boycott (apparently I was "too drunk") to partake in this burger, who's coming with?

Also I took down the last post because I knew it would cache (or cash-ay as [redacted] says, dumb bitch) for you guys and there would be little to no risk for those people mentioned in the post to read it.

What Chris Brown Did to Me

Never drinking again. This time, I'm serious. This was scary. I don't ever want to be in that situation again. That's all.