Zhi & the Smoker

I remember watching this game at 254. I think. Zhi had just bought a smoker and was outside me and GF's bedroom window at 8am with several pounds of meat and a bunch of instructions about how a smoker works.

I got drunk and we played Rock Band after. It was a good day.

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"I don't know, she might have wanted to have my sex in her mouth." --M

In the Spirit of Being Called What We Want

Let it be known, le Marc will now be called 'Jim Andrews'.

I, on the other hand, will still be 'Zhi'.

Go and spread the word.

The Face of a Tiger.. and the Body.. of a Tiger

I was thinking about how everyone has been just crushing Tiger Woods, and I think it is totally warranted. Dude cheated on his wife AND two kids (the kids part is what really gets me) and created a fake persona to sell an image and make a shitload of cash. Deserves to get crushed.

He spent some amount of time in a rehab clinic for what he claims to be an addiction to sex. I don't have any experience with this so I can only take his word for it and presume he's not dicking us all around again (although this is definitely a possibility).

So if he actually does have some sort of sex addiction that requires rehabilitation, shouldn't his problem be treated with a little more civility? If the details of what happened Thanksgiving night revealed that Tiger was an alcoholic, wouldn't the public generally have empathy toward him? If sex addiction is a real disease on par with alcoholism, shouldn't we feel kinda bad for him and not gawk at every juicy scandalous detail that emerges about the depths of his depravity?

Called it.

Foursquare goes to the 'Jersey Shore'

What did I say in February?

Clearly the real marketing opportunity is for foursquare to team up with Jersey Shore. Can you imagine?

GTL Badge: “You just unlocked the GTL Badge! Gym, tanning, laundry all in one day. Get your fist pump ready, Guido (or -ette), because you’re looking fresh to death!”

Zhi's Australian Survival Guide: Sharks

Zhi's departure to an island suffering drought, Ultraviolet radiation, ozone depletion may not make sense to all of us, but let's try to put happy face on it, okay?

Did you know the majority of the fauna in Australia is endemic to that region? As in, you can only find these animals in or around Australia.

166 species of sharks inhabit all of Australia's coast line, but only 3 pose a significant threat to humans. So that's good right?

We had sharks in Santa Barbara too, but we mostly just ate them. Shark tacos are the shit.

Apparently, the sharks in Australia think they're in the movie Alive because they have no problem eating each other the hell up.

Shark on shark crime:


The best is the lady who says "If they will go after a shark, they'll certainly go after my daughter." Yes, certainly, they'll also go after your ass lady. Don't think land will stop a great white. He'll roll up on you, using his teeth.

But shark on shark crime isn't all bad. Sometimes it saves other shark lives, such as below, where a shark bit another shark, and fucking baby sharks proceeded to fall out of the bite. Clearly the instigator is like..the House of his shark tank.

Apparently last year was "Australia's summer of shark terror". Which sounds...unsafe.

Meanwhile in America, shark attacks are declining.

Seems the best way to avoid a shark attack is to not be another shark, so at least Zhi's got that going for him.

10 things I'll miss about Zhi (in no particular order)

10. His Mr. Miyagi way of explaining football to me
Whether it's college football or the NFL, he (Zhi, not Pat Morita) always patiently walks me through the intricacies of football. A benign "What's the BCS?" question last November led to an hour long tutorial in my bedroom, which I added a week later to my arsenal of flirting moves.

9. Random sports moves in the living room
If it's during the football babies season, he'll work out plays in our living room. Remember when he was really into basketball? He'd practice wraparounds and spins at night. Currently, before he hurt his shoulder, it's about boxing and shuffling his feet. Gotta keep dancin'. He also does all of the above in his underwear. Well, less so now, it's winter after all.

8. Willingness to do things for me (and everybody else)
On Christmas Eve he was going to Safeway and asked if I needed anything. I said, "Yes, sheer black tights". He was like, "Really?" and after about 5 minutes of "I'd rather buy you tampons" he left. When he returned he had things for Christmas dinner and a pair of black Hanes tights. In retrospect, this is probably less important than the times he's driven me to the hospital or to/from the airport.

7. Dance Parties
With his departure I can't think of anyone else that would be willing to have Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift and Ke$ha dance parties in our living room. Marc would rather stab himself in the neck. I remember when I first unveiled the Tsweezy love fest I was hiding. Driving back from a Giants game "Love Story" came on and I started signing at the top of my lungs. Jamo was literally having a heart attack. Then we stole some traffic cones. A few weeks later Zhi bought both of Taylor Swifts CDs and we haven't looked back since.

6. Style Guide
Along with Marc, Zhi provides crucial style advice. Their advice ranges from, "Your Décolletage!" to "Put a belt on it".

5. Unsolicited Compliments
Sometimes he'll say things that sound better coming from him than anyone else. I'm not really sure why. Probably because he has no reason to say them. They're totally unselfish things to say.

4. Tickle fights

3. Random quotes
Zhi and Marc will answer each other in quotes, from either Gladiator or 300. It's inspirational?

2. Focus
His focus is inspiring. I mean, when you're not asking yourself if it's focus or obsession, you're thinking, damn, I could never dedicate myself to the Eagles/football babies/random sports that could leave me brain dead as he could.

1. He's the hardest working friend I know
I'm a pretty selfish person. I talk shit on a lot of people. After Mary's housewarming last week we were talking about how I mute everything and let people figure plans out for me, before I decide whether or not I want to join. I know now, this is an epically inconsiderate thing to do. In thinking about this post (I went through a few drafts) I did a Zhi search in my gmail. A good chunk of the thousands of results were Zhi planning things, happy hours, parties, events, offers to pick you up, camping, rides, trips to the snow, etc. He's considerate, he always invites you places and he loves hanging out with you. If you can't send him (and friends like him) an email back, you're pretty useless. Anyways, I can't think of an eloquent way to wrap this up, I'm too busy not crying all over my keyboard.