Things I have learned living with Carmina and Marc in China

Hearkening back to more innocent times, circumstances call for an update to the lessons learned from living in China.

le Marc is a constant source of humorous catch phrases. Not that we intend to be mean or tease him about his fast and loose grasp on English, but they truly are some brilliant quips which decorate and lighten up our lives. I thought about putting context around them with translation, but I think it best to stimulate conversation on what you think these mean:

• "having the Big Sex"
  
• "double scoop-scoop
  
• "eat like a a pork"
  
• "Pig Fever"
  
• "I can choose my own destiny...and the destiny of this donut is in my mouth"
  
• "He's so gay I can smell the cum from his mouth"
  

Carmina loves reality television and hates Julia Allison. However, she spends equal amounts of time on each. Here is a sampling of the shows we've been forced to watch in the past few months:

• Real Housewives of Orange County
  
• Real Housewives of New York
  
• Real Housewives of Atlanta
  
• Real Housewives of New Jersey
  
• Real Housewives of WHEREVER THE FUCK THEY FIND THESE SYCOPHANTS
  
• Rock of Love (yes, the one with Brett Michaels)
  
• Dancing with the Stars ("Giiiiiiiiiiiiile Marini!")
  
• Tough Love
  
• Tool Academy
  
• Little People, Big World
  
• Intervention (Actually makes you want to take meth it's so depressing)
  
• Jon and Kate, Plus Eight ("Kate has been controlling my portions. Last night I wanted seconds and she said no, so I didn't")
  
• True Life (in marathon form)
  

Not to say le Marc and I don't enjoy these things. It's just sad when I relate real life situations to how Power Tool and his girlfriend would have done it and no one around me knows what the hell I'm talking about.

I can't be sure, but I'm fairly certain I have a neighbor who is gay and in love with me. He has said to my face, "You're beautiful" and blown me a kiss. This is freaking me out to no end. Mostly because I don't find him to be an even remotely attractive gay man.

I'm sure le Marc and Carmina can elaborate. Hang out with us more and we can share more stories.