Federal Pound Me In The Ass Prison

So I had my day of reckoning today. And by reckoning, I meant I dressed up like a monkey, paid $15 for parking, only to find out I have to wait 4-6 weeks for the backlog of citations filed in the City of San Francisco to clear up enough for them to process my case.

I put on my Sunday best to go down to the Hall of Justice. Let me tell you, that place is exactly as menacing as it sounds. After being duped into paying a $15 flat fee to park (there was a cheaper lot down the street), I found myself in my rightful place, standing with the dregs of society. In retrospect, I should have just tried to go through the "Employees Only" metal detector line seeing as how I probably could have passed myself off as an assistant DA or something; my fellow criminals were dressed in what I can only describe as a cross between Monday morning indifference and general meth-addictedness. I'm fairly certain one young lady gave me the finger as I stood in line, several spots behind her. Then the nice, young, armed, court officer yelled at me to put my binder in through the x-ray machine. I may have pissed myself.

Anyways, after showing up to the Non-Traffic Citations office, they told me to go down to the D.A.'s office to find out what I would have to do. The D.A.'s office, obviously fearing my reprisals had I been sent to a jury trial, mandated that I go to Community Court. However, the backlog of all the citations in the system will have me waiting 4-6 weeks until I receive notice in the mail of when and where to appear to make my case. Anyone know any good non-extradition countries I can find myself in a month?

My total time at the Hall of Justice today? 5 minutes. At least the good news is I won't be going to Federal Pound-Me-in-the-Ass Prison. I found the language of my official citation, CA Penal Code 415.2, Disturbing the Peace. Anyone want to help me come up with an argument on why we did not "maliciously and willfully disturbs another person by loud and unreasonable noise."?