Looking inside my dark shriveled heart

So last week I opened an email from Jenna inviting us to go spend her paycheck with her at the bar. Google presented me with a sidebar ad, for Cougar Bars...and where to find cougars. I feel that sometimes Google looks at my soul and thinks I'm either a 40 year old sex maniac and tells me where to find others like me. Or the Goog correctly guesses my true nature of wedding loving, food-making, 25-year old virgin.

Lets review the email below to see how close Goog got this time.

The email, my amazing butter by nadia dress finally came and I told Chantel (who ordered the same dress) about it, and how sometimes Parker Posey wears it as a cape:


Let's take a closer look:


Hmm...Not bad. Pretty representative. I'm always looking for a product to produce healthy skin. And who doesn't get pissed off when you're trying to spread cold ass butter on toast? I mean, the French must know something right? Who needs refrigeration of dairy products?! Out with it, I say!

But...oh no, it seems goog has miscalculated of what I may be in to:


So! The question here is, what makes goog think I am a gay man in need of lube? I appreciate the fact that its water based (probably non toxic also in case it gets in my mouth), but really? I'm sure BoyButter is excellent, but I don't take it in the ass (on purpose) nor do I need fast and discreet shipping. In any scenario lube is involved personal experience has taught me slow and steady wins the race.